I think it is sad when a relationship starts out great and then it turns horrible. It is hard when you are looking back thinking what did I do what did I say could I have changed anything that wouldn’t make him mean to me. I still ask myself and I am been away for almost 3 years. I ask myself all the time what I did wrong, everyone tells me it was nothing I did but I still feel sometimes it was my fault.
When I have a horrible flashback I think afterward was that something I could have prevented? Was there something I could have done to change that? Is the reason I am having these flashbacks because I could have changed something.
I know it was him but sometimes I blame me and I know I shouldn’t but I do. I just think to myself that he is just someone I used to know, he changed so drastically. He is always drunk and he is so mean when he is drunk and he tries to be mean to me still, but I don’t allow it anymore. I just tell myself I wonder what happened to him and where did the man who is the father of my daughter go.