The Last Few Months

 I have had a lot of trouble these last few months, I don't want to leave my house and when I do it is because I either have something I can't get out of doing, like going to the store or other important things like that, or because I am being drug out of the house by friends. I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want to let anyone in.
I am tired of this I am tired of being scared everyday and I am tired of it all getting worse and worse everyday. I don't think I will ever get better. I think I will be scared forever. I hate that people that used to be in my life still has this much control over me. I wish they didn't but they do and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
I have tried all the breathing techniques the doctors have given me and I have tried mindful reassurance and it doesn't work for me and I so badly want it to work. I want to be the old me who isn't afraid of anything ,
I know I keep saying this I know it is probably getting old to hear it but it is part of the PTSD and I wonder if it will ever get better.
I feel like lately it has gotten so bad that I don't know what to do with myself anymore what I should do or even where I should go or even if I should live this horrid life anymore.
I don't spend as much time with my children as I would like because I don't want them to see this mommy they need the confident mommy I used to be, but I don't know if I can be that person anymore I don't know who I am or even who I am going to be. All I do know is I am scared, terrified really and I hate that feeling.

Sorry for my rambling I just had to get that out and let everyone know that if you are going through what I am I truly am sorry and all you have to do is email me I will listen and I will talk with you about what ever you want.

I hope everyone is wonderful where ever you may be.


  1. I have terrible anxiety problems. Coming out of an abusive relationship left me more scarred than I realized. I have a lot of trouble interacting with people -- even simple things like through email. I obviously don't know the details of your situation, but do know that things do get better! If you want to vent some more you can always email me (if you don't want to, I get it, you don't even know me LOL).

    prettydeadlyreviews (at) yahoo (dot) com

  2. Still praying for you Honey! It's so hard not to be scared, to have to constantly look over one's shoulder or to have bad dreams. I was so paranoid last night that he may have found us that I had a terrible night.

    BIG HUGS! Your not alone in your struggle!