I have had a lot of trouble these last few months, I don't want to leave my house and when I do it is because I either have something I can't get out of doing, like going to the store or other important things like that, or because I am being drug out of the house by friends. I don't want to talk to anyone and I don't want to let anyone in.
I am tired of this I am tired of being scared everyday and I am tired of it all getting worse and worse everyday. I don't think I will ever get better. I think I will be scared forever. I hate that people that used to be in my life still has this much control over me. I wish they didn't but they do and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
I have tried all the breathing techniques the doctors have given me and I have tried mindful reassurance and it doesn't work for me and I so badly want it to work. I want to be the old me who isn't afraid of anything ,
I know I keep saying this I know it is probably getting old to hear it but it is part of the PTSD and I wonder if it will ever get better.
I feel like lately it has gotten so bad that I don't know what to do with myself anymore what I should do or even where I should go or even if I should live this horrid life anymore.
I don't spend as much time with my children as I would like because I don't want them to see this mommy they need the confident mommy I used to be, but I don't know if I can be that person anymore I don't know who I am or even who I am going to be. All I do know is I am scared, terrified really and I hate that feeling.
Sorry for my rambling I just had to get that out and let everyone know that if you are going through what I am I truly am sorry and all you have to do is email me I will listen and I will talk with you about what ever you want.
I hope everyone is wonderful where ever you may be.