Sometimes I feel like a broken mirror and I am fighting to put myself back together. When I almost get all the little pieces back together I seem to drop on of the smaller pieces and because I have to fix that one too, I feel like I will always be this broken mirror lying on the floor.
Not all the time but sometimes I stand up and look at all the progress I have made and realize that maybe I will be ok and I am not as broken as I thought, but when I am right there working on it I feel like I am never going to finish and it hurts to know that I am this broken and I wonder if I will ever be ok.
I know I will never be the same me and I will have chips and even cracks but I think and hope one day I will feel whole again that I won’t feel the pain as much. Don’t get me wrong I know the pain will always be there it won’t ever just go away, that would be too much to ask for, but one day it won’t be as hard as it seems to be right now.
I miss the carefree un broken me, but I will never be that innocent girl anymore. I will forever be this woman with knowledge that I wish no one else had to feel and these memories that will never go away, a woman who will forever have pain because of bones that have been broken and pain in my back because of too many kidney punches. But that is ok that is the past now, it will never be my future.
I am glad I am the person I have become I like the new me but I wish I didn’t know and hadn’t experienced some of the things I have. And I wish I didn’t have to live through the worst moments in my life as often as I do. But I have hope and I guess that is all I should hang on to right now.