When I used to look in his (Matt) eyes there was nothing there when I say nothing, I mean they were empty. The only time I saw something there was when he was being really mean and then there was just this evil that I can’t even begin to explain. It would take my breath away every time I saw it.
I see that in my sleep now I see it when I get scared those horribly evil eyes are everywhere I can’t seem to get away from them. There is no escape for me, I feel. I think I will always see those eyes, I will always feel the same horror every time I see them I worry I will always be scared.
I used to wish for the days I would see nothing I didn’t even want to see love in those eyes because I know there was none at all. He hated me for reasons I still don’t know and don’t know if I will ever know and that is ok I don’t really care to know what I ever did to that man to make him hate me like he does/did.
I fear that when I look into anyone’s eyes I will see that same evil and I think if I ever see it in another person I may die of fright. Some people may know what I am talking about and some might not but if you do you know exactly what I mean and how scary those evil eyes are.
They say that eyes are the window to the soul and I wonder if maybe that was all that was in his soul was darkness and hatred. I have hope that one day I will not see them anymore, I just need to keep the hope alive I have had a lot of that here lately and I guess I just need hope and then maybe I will be ok, someday.