unseen wounds

I may look normal on the outside, but inside I am dying. When I tell people I am on all kinds of meds to get me through the day they say "but you look just fine, nothing is wrong with you" Well I don't think people realize there are more wounds than just physical pain.
I am in physical pain but that is not why I take medicine, that pain is from the abuse. There isn't a day that goes by that my back or my shoulders hurt. My tailbone hurts all the time too. My knees hurt among so many other parts of my body. There are so many things wrong with me and I am only 28 years old. The 12 years I dealt with abuse was enough to age me 40 years. I am scared to think of how I will feel 20 years from now. Will I even make it that long? I have no idea. I feel mentally and physically exhausted all the time and there is nothing I can do about it.

I have a wonderful partner who will take care of the kids so I can get some rest or just so I can take a break from the house. She is amazing I couldn't ask for a better person in my life.

I guess the point of this post is to tell people just because someone is fine on the outside doesn't mean they aren't in a constant war in their head.

I read a post on someone else's blog and I will share a link to it and it kind of says how I feel on a day to day basis.http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory-written-by-christine-miserandino/
That is an amazing story and I think people everywhere should read it.

I hope everyone is having a great day


  1. My friend,
    I resorted to no therapy and no drugs to get me through. It is my personal choice. I have aged well past my age of 41 myself and have related to much of what you blog about. I ache deeply inside and out. Much of my aches and pains are due to old wounds from years of abuse.

    Someone once told me that it will take half the time you were with the person in years to heal. Which sucks but more then likely true. I have been praying for you!

    1. Thank you and I am sorry that you can relate, I would never wish what I feel on my worst enemy. I am sorry for your hurt. I hope just knowing your are not alone is helping you even a little.

      I hope it doesn't take years I don't know if I can handle 6 more years of the way I feel all the time.

      Thank you for reading what I have to say. I know sometimes it is hard to follow but thank you.