Trying to start over

Matt called me every day and since i had taken the only car he felt it necessary for me to take him to work, and I felt obligated to do it. So I would get to his house and hour early and not only wake him up but I continued to make his lunch for him and find his clothes. While he would belittle me and call me names and sometimes try to force me to sleep with him.
One night he wouldn't take no for an answer and almost raped me. It was horrible, I still took him to work though I was trapped still in the abuse cycle and I didn't even realize it at first. I felt like I was doing what I needed to do since I left him with no car.
Still no matter what I did I was wrong and stupid and he thought he could still hit me and push me around until I had decided I was no longer going to take him to work. He got mad and beat the hell out of me in front of the kids one day when he wanted to see the kids. It was horrible and I felt horrible for them having to see that.
He was calling me names and dragging me around the house around my hair. The kids were scared and crying and he was telling them they had to choose who they loved more him or me. The were being brought into the middle and I could do nothing to stop it.
I was still just as powerless gone as I was when I lived there. I didn't know what to do.
Angel was mad and she wanted to beat the hell out of him like he beat me but I wouldn't let her do that because I didn't want her in trouble for doing that. As much as she hated it she let him go and took care of me the best way she could.
The nightmares had started and I started not sleeping very well. I felt crazy and in my head knew there was nothing I could do about it.

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