It seemed like I always had to watch what I said and did when it came to him, he was always in a really good mood or a really bad mood but he was never just ok, we could never have a conversation that was normal it always was about me and the kids coming back or if I loved him. I didn't know how to handle it. I started having really bad nightmares and flash backs. I thought it was a sign that I should be scared that he was going to come get me. I would flinch when Angel would go to touch me I was constantly on guard. Nothing I did made any of it stop I knew I needed to get help I just didn't know how. I started researching therapy in my area and I found a really good place that I thought could help me with this. I didn't know what was wrong me and I thought I was going crazy.
I started seeing a therapist once a week and a psychiatrist once a month. I was told I had PTSD and severe anxiety. That was very hard for me to hear I thought I was weak because of it I thought these men had finally broken me in a way that wasn't fixable.
I stayed depressed and Angel was really worried about me. Matt was still relentless calling and texting me and showing up at my house.
I was still at a loss. I was trying to figure out what was going on in my head and he was not helping at all. If anything he made it worse.
I felt trapped with no where to go.