My thoughts on dealing with depression after abuse

I have a hard time with depression.

There I said it, it is a very hard thing for me to admit, I used to not be allowed to have emotions, I couldn't cry because if I did it was weak, I couldn't be mad because it was just not allowed in that house, unless you were him. I still have trouble crying or letting people see me cry or even having people know I have been crying. I cry alone.

I have been very depressed these last two weeks and the bad part is I can't even say why. Here lately though it has been very hard to deal with, I just want to curl and in ball and let life go, I don't want to do anything or go anywhere, I would be content to just lay in bed and cry alone everyday all day.

Dealing with depression is very hard and if you are dealing with it like I am please seek help I know it is hard to admit that you need help with depression, and you probably think it will just go away on it's own, well it could, but it probably won't. It is a very dangerous thing. I can't tell you the number of times I have thought about killing myself in these last few weeks, I want to cut and I have, I am not proud of it but I have.

Talking about it is hard but really everyone needs help every once in a while so don't be afraid to ask for it. I talked to my best friend last night and told him (yes him, the only guy I trust) I was really depressed and he listened and talked to me about it. Talking about it really isn't bad, admitting that you are depressed doesn't make you weak it makes you stronger, and I think after talking about it for a while makes it easier.



Soooo after all my rambling, sorry, I want to tell you all to please seek help from some one anyone, a friend, a family member, or even find a counselor to help. It might save your life.



I hope everyone is having a wonderful day, I know I am TRYING to bring my day up.

This is too true

I saw this on Facebook and I know it was supposed to be a joke but, having been in an abusive relationship I know it isn't funny. This is too true, and this is part of the reason abused people do not call the cops.
It is hard to call the cops when the one time you do they tell you that their hands are tied and there is nothing they can do about it.

So I just thought I would share it with you all.

I am sure everyone has heard

But October is Domestic Violence awareness month and I want everyone to know that it is NOT ok to be hit or talked down to or even to be called names, it is not ok.

I understand it is hard to get out of certain situations but when you get the first chance RUN and do not look back, I know you love him/her but love doesn't hurt psychically, it does not hurt your feelings and make you cry, it just doesn't.

I am a survivor I am no longer a victim, I am me and I will never allow another person to lay their hands on me. It has taken me a long time to be able to say that, but I can now, thankfully. I can not control what certain people say to me but I can choose to ignore it and I am doing really well with that. I still struggle everyday with PTSD, that is something I know will never go away and that is my battle, but I am stronger for it. I know my limits and I know what I can and cannot do. I do have set backs and I feel horrible but I know I will be ok.



So please if you are being abused or you know someone is being abused please get some help or think it is none of your business you could save someone's life.




I hope everyone has a great day !!!!
<3

think positive!!

So I have been trying here lately to think more positive, it is very hard for me most of the time...

I have learned that as long as you are thinking positive, positive things will happen. I have had it happen to me. No matter what is going on as long as you stay positive no one can take that from you unless you let it.

Every adult in my house always seems to have a bad attitude but I have learned that as long as I stay positive and not let what they have going on effect me then I will be fine, so far it has worked for me.

If I can't fix it or change it now or in the near future why let it bother me? I just go on about my day and, not forget it but, I don't let it bother me until I can do something about it...

I hope everyone is having a wonderful day!!!!

Sticks and stones

I don't know if I can do this anymore

I have a confession...

I tried to kill myself last night. I tried to take all of my sleeping pills at once, but just as I put them in my mouth my girlfriend walked in I held them there for a few minutes but then I spit most of them out. I am a walking mess and I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. I am so tired of being in my head and feeling lost. My best friend is mad at me, my other good friend was mad at me last night and I always seem to make my girlfriend sad. I just feel like I can't do anything right anymore.

I just had to get this out of me I have too much on my plate.

Getting help

I have been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for about a year now and I keep having my ups and downs, But right now all of everything seems to be too much. I am thinking of going in for some in patient treatment at out local "nuthut" lol. I think I need something that is really going to help me something I haven't really tried yet I am having such a hard time with everything right nowImy flashbacks are horrible and the nightmares are even worse. I have been having thoughts of just ending it all so all of this will go away. I feel like I have been hurting everyone I come into contact with, I can't handle that anymore I don't want to hurt anyone physically or mentally but myself.

I just wanted to let everyone know what has been going on with me.  I will let you all know what is going on and if I went or not.