Things have been going good!

I am sorry I haven't posted in a while I have had a lot on plate, I am getting ready to start school again, I know I have tried once but I really think this time is going to be better.

I have been doing well the flashbacks, nightmares, and anxiety have been hell but I have been dealing with them as they come. I have been trying to keep optimistic and I really think it is working, I don't want to sleep all the time, I am trying to reach out to my friends more because I know there are a lot of people who I shut out, some I won't get back they just didn't understand and that is ok. I have realized who my real friends are and I am happy to call them friends.

The only thing right now that hurts me is one person who I thought would understand was the first person to decide not to be my friend anymore and that hurt, she said I was a horrible friend and that I didn't make time for her, I did she just couldn't understand that there were days I didn't even get out of bed.


OK off topic but I am back to being me for now I know that there are bumps in the road and I know they are going to be bad but I think I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel, I am so excited for that light and I can't wait to be completely me again. I know I will never be the old me but I think this me will be so much better and stronger. I know I will fight with my inner demons for the rest of my life but I also know they won't be as hard to take on anymore.

I will keep you all informed and I will try to post more even if it is just a silly picture or joke or something.

I hope you all have a wonderful day,night, morning where ever you are!

I think it is funny

I have decided to go back to school for something I have wanted to do most of my life and that is go to cosmetology school. My ex used to tell me it was not a good idea and that was not a logical job to have when you have children and that there is not much money to be made doing that and there is no possible way I could support my kids if I needed to.
He was always a debbie downer about it...
So now that I have decided to go back to school for this and we aren't together he thinks this is the best idea in the world and he is so proud of me now. I just think it is really funny how now it is a good idea,

I just had to share this with all you wonderful people!!! To me it is funny and made me laugh!

Who knew?

I never thought when I left my husband that I would remain afraid, but I am, I am scared everyday.
There is not a day that goes by that I don't wonder if he is watching me or if this is the day he is finally going to kill me. My last post just made me realize that either of those things can happen and there is nothing I nor anyone else can do about it.
I am now stuck in a new kind of fear, this is unlike any other fear I have felt it is a kind of hopeless fear, I feel I am backed in to a corner and there is nowhere to turn.

I know I will come out of this I know this fear will pass but I wonder how long I will have to deal with it. No one can tell me, all the doctors and therapists tell me I have to work through it on my own, how do I do this on my own? How do I get rid of this fear? I have no idea but I have hope and I am going to keep it. I feel that is going to be the only thing that will get me through this at least I hope it will.


I hope everyone is doing well and have a good night, day or morning.