Since today was Thanksgiving it got me thinking of all my past holidays and how they were bad. Today has been a wonderful day spent with Angel and my wonderful kids and my mom. My mom has never spent a Thanksgiving with me, it made the day perfect. She would avoid my house like the plague, today made me realize how bad it really was. My family claimed they didn't know I was abused, but why did they avoid me as much as they did? Why did they not come over? They come over to my house now...
This has shown me a whole new light. I don't know why they can't admit to knowing things were wrong with my life and marriage. I feel like they have lied to me for over 10 years and that they didn't care about me. I feel like they thought I was getting what I deserved. But why, what did I ever do in my life that would have me deserve the hell I went through. Was/am I that bad of a person that I "had it coming"? I don't know the answers to these questions and I don't know that I really want to know.
I guess the point of this post was you know I don't know what the point of this post was I guess I felt I needed to share these thoughts with you and that I needed someone to know this.
I have had a hard day flash backs and all but I think I have handled this day very well with out anyone noticing that I was having trouble. I think I am getting better at hiding my flashbacks from everyone...
Thank you for your very kind words on my blog! I appreciate it! Reading through yours and it is helpful for me to know I'm not alone in the crazy madness of getting back to the old me. Learning all over again, shuffling through the memories and pushing back the nightmares. BIG HUGS!
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