Downward spiral

I had been feeling really good, I felt happy and full of life, but now I feel as if I am on a downward spiral and I can't make it stop I just feel sad. I don't know if it is because fathers day was yesterday or what it is but I can't shake this feeling that I am lost and I don't know if I will be found. I feel like I am losing myself more and more each day, hour, and even minute. One minute I am happy as can be and the next I just want to cry my eyes out for no reason at all.

I hope this just lasts for a little while, because I don't know if I can take many of the downs any more!

It all comes back...

When there is no reason it should.

I was at school tonight, and we started to cut hair tonight, well all I heard in my head was the ex saying "You'd better not mess up. You are worthless and you can't do anything right." I hate that! It always comes back and haunts me when I least expect it.

   Right now my mindset isn't the greatest. I did very well, BTW, but I just hate when I hear his voice in my head. He does not belong there, I know I am not stupid and I can do anything that I set my mind to, but it irritates me so much that he is still in there taunting me and still hurting me. I am so scared this will never stop.

I have been thinking

I was in class today and there were speakers there. They were there talking about drugs and alcohol and during the break I was talking to the gentleman and said I want to help people and share my story, as we talked I told him I have a blog and told him how many people follow my blog and then he looked at me and said something I never even thought of, " You could be helping more people than you know about" I never thought of it that way and if you read my blog or you don't I hope I am helping someone somewhere out there in the world I hope my horrible story is helping someone. I know there are people who do read this and they pray for me everyday, You have no idea how much I appreciate your thoughts and prayers, you know who you are at least I hope so!

I will start posting more and some of it might be repetitive but I am going to get all this out of me and maybe something I left out can and will help someone else I love you all and thank you for following me and I hope some of my words can help you or someone you love.


I feel like a million dollars!!!